Did you know that the way to most women’s hearts (and their bodies) is through romance? While I’ve always known this is true for me, a recent study provides some pretty convincing data that this is what many women want.
The survey conducted in 2017 asked over 2000 US adults to rate the appeal of a variety of sexual behaviors from kissing to anal sex and BDSM. This is the first survey that looked at a vast array of sexual behaviors.
While vaginal intercourse was rated the most appealing by 70% of women, the rest of the results were pretty fascinating:
- Cuddling more often 63%
- Kissing more often during sex 50%
- Saying sweet romantic things during sex 47%
- Giving or receiving a massage 46%
- Having gentle sex 45%
- Receiving oral sex 43%
- Watching a romantic movie 42%
- Making the room feel more romantic 41%
- Wearing sexy underwear or lingerie 40%
All of this leads to the conclusion that woman want more romance and intimacy in their sex life. The problem is most of us are not getting that.
One of the blocks to giving and receiving more romance is that many of us are not very good playing the romantic role.
Some women have expressed to me that they are embarrassed about wanting romance. That it plays into the cinderella myth, and it only happens in fairy tales and movies.
Other women complain that the romance died once the reality of a long term relationship set in. As one client told me “familiarity breeds contempt not romantic nights”.
Romance also calls upon our softer, emotional, tender selves, which is a side that many men have a harder time accessing given the ways in which they were socialized. Many men complain that they don’t understand how to romance a woman and saying romantic things seems weird and unnatural.
Intimacy and romance of course go hand in hand, as the survey results clearly demonstrate. Women want more intimacy during sex, such as cuddling, kissing, and more gentle sex.
True romance is hard without intimacy and there are many blocks to intimacy:
- Attachment wounds from childhood
- Being hurt by past lovers
- Anger and resentment towards a partner
- Feeling emotionally un-safe
- Inability to feel and communicate your emotions
The good news is that nothing is set in stone. We can work through blocks to intimacy, improve communication skills and even learn how to romance a partner.
Interested in finding out more? Contact me to set up a 15 minute chat.
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