Should You Give Your Ex a Second Chance?

Spring has sprung, and love is in the air!  Bees are buzzing, birds are chirping, and exes might be showing up in your DMs, “Thinking of you.”

So what should you do?  Ignore?  Delete?  Meet them for lunch?

Here are three reasons why you may want to give your ex a chance:

1. History Together

You know one another’s quirks, and being with them feels comfortable and familiar.

2. Sexual Knowledge

You already know each other’s bodies and preferences.  So you don’t have to go through the sometimes-awkward stage of figuring out what makes them tick. and explaining your wishes and desires to them.

3. Recipe for Success

Since you know what ended the relationship the first time around, you know just what needs to be worked on in order for things to go better a second time around.

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However, given what you already know, I want you to consider that there are at least two good reasons NOT to get back together.

1. They Haven’t Done the Work

Ask yourself a serious question:  Has your ex actually changed?  Have they done the work of personal growth and healing to show up as a better partner than last time?  And have YOU done this work yourself?  If little has changed, the ending will be the same the second time around.

2.  You’re Avoiding Something Better

Often people will choose the familiar not-great thing over the risk of something new and better.  It might feel safer to deal with the already well-known disappointment of an old partner than to risk starting a deeper, healthier connection with someone else.

But remember:  if you keep your ex in your life, you’re missing out on other, potentially much better relationship opportunities.  And if you’re keeping them in your life while also keeping one foot out the door, waiting to pounce on the next best thing to come along, please, just don’t.  If you’re getting back together just because it feels uncomfortable to be alone, take it as a sign that you have more healing work to do on yourself.  And, if so:

3.  Take More Time to Focus on Self-Love

Being in a sub-par relationship is NOT better than being alone.  Yes, if you’re struggling to love and care for yourself, being in a not-great relationship can feel slightly better (at times) than being alone, but I promise you, it’s not going to improve your life or bring you the happiness you deserve.  Maybe your parents modeled for you a relationship pattern in which both partners just stay together because it’s easier than starting over.  But this doesn’t have to be YOUR pattern.

Make it a priority to love yourself well.  Take yourself on a date.  Buy yourself flowers.  Write your name in the sand.  Look in the mirror and say, “I love you.”