Sexual Assault: #NotOkay

As I listened to Michelle Obama’s speech in New Hampshire, the most powerful, eloquent, honest and vulnerable speech I have ever heard, the rage and tears that have been building up inside of me for weeks exploded.

The rage for all of the women in my life, in my practice, and the world who have been raped, assaulted, treated with disrespect, and groped.

Women, including me, who have been bullied by men, especially powerful ones, and who have been afraid to speak up, to make waves, because their livelihoods and reputations were at stake.

I am not a Donald Trump fan….In fact, I despise the man and have had nightmares about him becoming President that has me waking up in a cold sweat.

Like other woman in this country, I am disgusted by his actions, by his cavalier misogynist behavior, by his ridiculous denials.

But at the end of the day, we will look back at this election and thank Donald.

Thank him for creating an opportunity for this country to face head on the truth about sexual assault, sexual harassment, and the sexual power dynamics that women face every day in the workplace, in their homes, and in the world.

We are already lifting the veil and the shame around sexual assault.  As of today over 30 Million people have visited or tweeted on Kelly Oxford’s #notokay feed telling their own stories about being sexually assaulted.

So here’s mine:  I had just started dating someone and we were having our first sleep over.  We had a fun night and had consensual sex.  I woke up in the middle of the night only to find this guy inside of me, without a condom on.

My body was not ready for sex and it hurt.  I was literally fast asleep.  I felt completely violated.  My pussy was not his for the taking when he felt horny and wanted sex.

For the longest time I told myself that this was not sexual assault.  That somehow by allowing him in my bed and in my body once, everything else was on the table.  It was just “unfortunate timing”.

But the truth is that anytime we don’t fully consent to having sex, and especially when we don’t have the capacity to consent, we are being sexually assaulted, regardless of whether it’s a first time date or a long term relationship.

Our right to control our body and our experience has been taken away from us.

I want to honor and acknowledge all the women who have come forward to share their stories.

It is both incredibly painful to see the scope and breadth of this problem and also incredibly hopeful that we can start to change the culture.

So thank you Donald for shining a light on this…now please go back to your golden tower and leave us all the hell alone..