HOW TO DESIGN YOUR ORGASMIC LIFE: PART 3

Want to Design a More Orgasmic Life? 

Discovering Your Sexual Blueprint

Part 3: SELF-PLEASURING

 

What Is Pleasurable to You?

Many of us have been shamed for our desire for pleasure. 

However, read these descriptions about consensual sensual pleasure and ask yourself, “Is there really anything shameful about them?”

“True pleasure for me is when I feel safe enough with a  woman that I can surrender to loving her through touch–no words needed, just the sheer enjoyment of feeling her skin on mine.”

“I really like long gentle strokes on my back as I am resting  on my belly…I get tingles that way and it softens my pelvis.”

“I love to be kissed on my neck…and to have my nipples pulled just hard enough to feel a little pain but then surrounded by his tongue so that it is pain and tingly pleasure all at once.”

“I love a woman’s mouth on my penis and her soft kisses on my balls…”

“I am a little kinky so I like a little love bite on my neck and shoulders…like a sexy vampire.”

“Pleasure is a tingling sensation…a warmth…a glow…a gentle sometimes fierce ecstasy.”

The comments above are clear expressions of a joy for life, goodness, and connection to  the  heavenly  bliss that can be ours right here on earth. Truly, there is nothing about them that warrants guilt or embarrassment.

The Joys of Orgasm

Many of my clients share their experience of orgasm as release, relaxation, a surrendering, and a chance for getting closer to others and more connected to their physical and even their spiritual selves:

“This glorious sensation is like electricity surging through my whole body. I tighten myself around him and ride this wild current, shivering in bliss.”

“…a very warm and soft feeling that gets warmer and then there is a tingling that starts and increases in intensity…”

 “…something that washes over my entire body, like a big beautiful wave.”

“…tingling all over, mostly in my penis…all through my body, kind of like scratching an itch that is satisfied in the most profound way…”

“In the exact split second of orgasm, there is no separation between him and me. I feel connected to all that is Divine. It’s beautiful.”

Pleasure is a Stress-Reducing Tonic…and It’s Free!

Sexual pleasure, whether alone or with a partner, can calm us, connect us to those we care about, and  even expand our ability to experience certain states of being.

All these things are nothing to be ashamed of! Pleasure is good for you and your partner(s). 

Mutually consensual pleasure offers a tonic for the stresses of life. However, so many of my clients have a hard time fully enjoying pleasure even, if not especially, when they are enjoying solo sex because of all the prohibitions against masturbation.

Many of these began in childhood. Let’s take a look at how your early childhood experiences with self-pleasuring may keep you from your pleasure potential.

Exercise One: Your Sexual Blueprint Part Three: SELF-PLEASURING

•  At what age do you remember first exploring your body and  genitals and experiencing some sensation? What were the ways that you most enjoyed pleasuring yourself as a child and teenager?
• Were you ever afraid that you might get caught exploring or touching yourself? If you did have the experience of being caught,  describe what happened and how it made you feel?
• What do you notice your responses about your  childhood and adolescent experiences? How might your blueprint inhibit or inspire your pleasure response today?

If you were discouraged from pleasuring yourself, or you felt it was somehow shameful, then now is your chance to re-design your blueprint. In the next exercise, I invite you to explore self-pleasuring and a whole new relationship to your enjoyment of sexual sensation.

Exercise Two: Self-Loving Practice 

(excerpted from my book Living an Orgasmic Life)

For Women

• Set a time limit for yourself of thirty to forty-five minutes. This need not be a marathon, especially if it’s going to become a regular part of your week. A daily practice will give you the most benefit, but three or four times a week is awesome. 
• Set an intention for your practice that isn’t goal-oriented. This is not about having an orgasm, but rather about experiencing sensation and pleasure.
• Have your toys and supplies handy (lube, coconut oil, vibrators, dildos, anal plugs, feathers, and other sensate objects, as well as wet wipes, towels, etc.). 
• Spend the first five to ten minutes getting into your body by putting on some sexy music and starting to move. Remember to continue to breathe! 
• Start touching yourself while you are warming up, possibly with some soft furry objects like a scarf or a feather. Make it sexy and do what feels good for you.
• When you feel warmed up, find a comfortable position in your special space and start touching yourself for your own pleasure. Touch all parts of your body while ignoring the genitals for a period of time. While breathing, focus on the sensations in other parts of your body. What gives you goosebumps; what creates heat? 
• Once you’re starting to feel somewhat aroused, turn your attention to your vulva. Again, touch your genitals for your own pleasure, exploring all the nooks and crannies in the labia. Don’t just go for the clitoris; let that be the icing on the cake. Gently massage your labia, one lip at a time. Pull at them, run your fingers down them, tickle them. There are thousands of nerve endings in this area, take your time to explore them! 
• If clitoral stimulation works for you, explore the clitoris, but try varying the pressure and touch, especially if you are used to only touching yourself one way. Explore vaginal stimulation as well with fingers, toys, vibrators, etc. Remember that the focus is not on orgasm but on exploring pleasure in your body and learning your own unique arousal patterns. 
• Don’t be laser focused as you move into genital stimulation. Periodically revisit your breasts, belly, neck, ass, arms, legs, and other places on your body that feel good so that you can disperse the energy to other pleasure centers.

For Men

• Set a time limit for yourself of thirty to forty-five minutes. This need not be a marathon, especially if it’s going to become a regular part of your week. A daily practice will give you the most benefit, but three or four times a week is awesome. 
• Set an intention for your practice that isn’t goal-oriented. This is not about having an orgasm, but rather about experiencing sensation and pleasure. 
• Have your toys and supplies handy (lube, coconut oil, vibrators, dildos, anal plugs, feathers, and other sensate objects, as well as wet wipes, towels, etc.). 
• Spend the first five to ten minutes getting into your body by putting on some sexy music and starting to move. Remember to continue to breathe! 
• Start touching yourself while you are warming up, possibly with some soft furry objects like a scarf or a feather. Make it sexy and do what feels good for you. 
• Once you’re starting to feel somewhat aroused, turn your attention first to your penis. Focus on going slowly, savoring each touch. Tell yourself, “There is no rush. I have plenty of time to enjoy this.” Men, more than women, often feel they have to race against the clock before getting “caught.” Now, you are free from the judgements of others, and there is no hurry. Allow your hand to explore  slowly, noticing the different parts of your cock,  stroking your balls, and the root of your penis.
• Don’t be laser focused as you move into genital stimulation. Periodically revisit your chest, belly, neck, ass, arms, legs, and other places on your body that feel good so that you can disperse the energy to other pleasure centers.
• Place your attention back on your cock. Hard or soft, enjoy the pleasurable sensations. Notice the different feelings in your shaft, then the head. If you have foreskin, gently pull it and enjoy.
• .Touch all parts of your body while ignoring the genitals for a period of time. While breathing, focus on the sensations in other parts of your body. What gives you goosebumps; what creates heat? 

As you learn to pleasure yourself, you will experience even  greater bliss with your partner(s). It is never too late to update your sexual blueprint. 

Want more opportunities to explore your sexuality and design your orgasmic life? Check out this free resource.