I had an amazing weekend on Male Sexuality, I grew a cock, well not literally but virtually and empathetically. I was at the Men’s Weekend Somatica training which is a somatic based approach to male sexuality led by the amazing team of Celeste and Danielle. The weekend started with a powerful somatic visualization of what it would feel like to have male body parts. I was humbled by how vulnerable I felt walking around with my sex on the outside of my body, of how I was unable to hide my desire and physically felt my body change, of how easy it was to become aroused and how frequent my desire was.
In some of my Tantra work, I have experienced having an energetic cock and the feeling of penetrating a man. In fact I frequently take people through this type of exercise so they can experience the difference between male and female energy. But this was a new level of sensation and consciousness for me. And that was just the beginning…
For the rest of the weekend I played the role of a man and experienced all the pressures and inconsistencies that are foisted upon men in intimate and sexual relationships. The socialization from birth that boys are not supposed to cry or have emotions and that they are touched differently than girls are. Male to male touching, if it occurs at all, might be a pat on the back, but it is rarely tender. Sex becomes the only place that men can go to experience intimacy and access their emotions. That is why so much of work that I do with men is about healing the heart and helping them access and embody their emotions.
And the pressure that men have to perform, to take charge of the sexual encounter from beginning to end, even to ask a woman out on a date. I understand better what it feels like when your cock isn’t in sync with your desire and how frustrating and disempowering that is for a man especially in the early dating stages. Even the process of moving a women’s body around during lovemaking, which is something I completely took for granted, was really challenging for me and yet we expect men to be able to do this effortlessly.
Constantly having to navigate women’s shifting boundaries creates tremendous confusion for men. Fearful that they will cross a boundary, men hold back their desire wanting to be the good, respectful guy, when in fact most women crave to be taken by a man. If you don’t believe me about this, ask some women that question or better yet throw your partner up against the wall and see what kind of reaction you get. Teaching men how to be passionate, romantic, and powerful with women was a huge part of the weekend.
So what was my take away from this weekend? I will continue to give men permission to have their desires, to help them practice self acceptance and self love and learn how to survive rejection. I will teach them how to be passionate and provide them with the skills necessary to be in an intimate relationship. I will help them heal the wounds that women and society have inflicted on them. I will give them love, nurturing, and empathy. I will help women understand better how to communicate with men, how to help men experience their emotions, how to be mindful of the mixed messages we send and clarify our own needs, and most importantly, how to love men fully and unconditionally.
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