Xanet Pailet is a San Francisco based sex and intimacy coach, tantra teacher, sexological body worker and holistic pelvic care practitioner who has worked in the health care field for over 25 years. She is the author of Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure. She works with individuals and couples using a variety of modalities to help them explore different paths of pleasure within the body, increase their libido, and helps to heal emotional and sexual wounds. Xanet is a Certified Sexological Body Worker, Certified Tantra Educator (Charles Muir’s Source School of Tantra), Certified Somatica® Practitioner (Somatica Institute), Certified Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner, Sky Dancing Tantra Teacher (Ecstatic Living) and Somatic Experiencing Trauma Practitioner.

My Story

On the surface, I was living the perfect life….my own successful career as a corporate healthcare executive and Broadway producer, married to a successful attorney, two fabulous children, a beautiful home in New York City, and all the trappings that go along with it. But underneath the surface was a woman sexually shut down from carrying years of sexual trauma in her body who was living in a sexless marriage for more than 15 years. Orgasms were so not in my vocabulary. I put 100% of my energy into my kids and my career. By age 45, I had pretty much decided that I was done with sex.

My sexual awakening occurred when I turned 50. Several loving men lit fires underneath me and one fanned the flames by introducing me to Tantra and sacred sexuality. Finally I was able to experience sex as a union of the physical, energetic, and spiritual body and reveled in the notion of not having a goal and simply enjoying the experience. Sexual healing was not far behind. This awakening was so profound that it completely changed the course of my life. I moved across the country to live in a more sex positive city and study sexuality with renown Tantra and sex educators. I have dedicated the rest of my professional life to helping others awaken and explore their own sexuality and to heal the wounds that keep us from experiencing our true sexual selves.

The Road to Becoming a Sex Coach

As someone who really values formal education, I have taken many types of training programs to become a sex and intimacy coach. I feel that the more skills and tools that I have in my tool belt the better I can serve my clients. Of course, life experience is also extremely important and I feel that I’ve had my share of experiences around sexuality, sexual wounding, and sexual awakening.

Certified Somatica Sex and Intimacy Coach

Somatica is an experiential and somatic based approach to sexuality. The theory behind it is that sex takes place in your body, not in your head, so working through sexual issues also needs to take place using an experiential approach. In the Somatica Method clients are engaged in real-time interactions while receiving support, guidance and feedback so that they can have  fulfilling and connected sex and relationships.

Certified Sexological Bodyworker

Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.  Sexological Bodywork™ is somatic education that helps individuals  deepen their experience of sexual embodiment. Certified Sexological Bodyworkers are trained sexologists whose certification is approved by the State of California. Our teaching involves a variety of instructive modalities, including breathwork, touch, massage, pelvic release bodywork, scar tissue remediation, and orgasm coaching.

Certified Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner

Holistic Pelvic Care is a form of energy and body work created by Tami Lynn Kent, a physical therapist. Holistic Pelvic Care ™ alleviates congestion in the Pelvic Bowl (“Root”) and restores balance on an energetic, physical and emotional level. It helps women with pelvic issues such as pain, incontinence, prolapse, low libido and painful intercourse.

Sky Dancing Tantra Teacher

Ecstatic Living Institute. Tantra is a weaving together of our physical body, energetic body, and our spiritual connection. It allows us to connect with ourselves and our partner at a much deeper level so sex becomes more powerful and conscious. Tantra involves using breath, movement, sound and touch to access and move our sexual energy. The principles of Tantra and some Tantra practices are typically incorporated in my sex coaching sessions with individuals. Couples interested in learning and exploring Tantra can contact me about private Tantra Couples sessions.

Certified Tantra Educator

Source School of Tantra. This type of Tantra focuses on Tantra as a method for sexual healing and is very powerful. Many of our sexual wounds, which often stem from childhood, reside in our body, within our energetic centers, often blocking us from experiencing pleasure. This is particularly true for women who hold a lot of trauma and emotional experiences in their sexual center.

Somatic Experiencing Trauma Trained

Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute Created by the internationally renown Dr. Peter Levine, Somatic Experiencing is a somatic based approach to healing trauma. The Somatic Experiencing approach offers a framework to assess where a person is “stuck” in the fight, flight or freeze response to trauma. It provides tools to help trauma survivors release thwarted survival energy which is stuck in the body and is the root cause of the trauma. It is extremely effective for survivors of any type of sexual, physical and emotional abuse.

Xanet is a frequent contributor to numerous online magazines, journals, podcasts, and radio shows. Following are a select few of her past appearances


It was her first orgasm — and also her last

Cosmopolitan magazine’s article that features Xanet.

Why is Sex Better in Hotel Rooms?

Conde Nast Traveler 

11 Habits All People Who Are Calming to Be Around Have In Common


Scheduling Sex | What Happens At Sex Therapy | Tolerance to Orgasms

She Knows.

Yes, Orgasm Anxiety Is a Thing—Here’s How to Overcome It

Brides Magazine article that features Xanet

Should You See A Sexological Body Worker

HelloFlo magazine’s article that features an interview with Xanet.

Feb 2016: Fertilicious Tele Summit

50 Shades of Oxytocin: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive and Juicy

Sex and Happiness – Sexual Healing for Men and Sex During Pregnancy

Xanet Pailet joins Laurie to discuss how men have been deeply emotionally wounded and how it is possible to help them. She describes a few of her in depth sessions and shares information on what partners can do to help their men heal. (Online Radio Interview)

The Weekend I Grew a Penis

Elephant Journal article about Xanet’s experience in a men’s weekend Somatica® training, which is a somatic, body-based approach to sex and intimacy.  (Online Journal Article)

My Affair with My Vagina


How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship


How the Feminist Movement has Ruined Our Sex Lives and What We Can Do to Fix It


Scheduling Sex

She Knows

How to Talk to Your Partner if They’re Bad in Bed Without Hurting Their Feelings


Stacy Tamagni Summit: Bring More Passion and Pleasure into Your Love Life


Body Awakening Tele Summit



Discovery Session (Introductory 75 min)

In-Person Coaching Session (75 min)

Skype Coaching Session (60 min)

Virtual Check-In Appointment (15 min)

Intensive Coaching Session (for Premium Clients or One Day Intensives. 4-5 Hour one-on-one session)

Couples Coaching Session

Holistic Pelvic Care Session


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