~ #1 Amazon Best Seller ~
Filled with lessons and practical exercises that can take your sex life from non-existent or mediocre
to orgasmic bliss

Who will benefit the most from reading this book?
The largest audience for this book is women and men who have struggles with sex and find themselves disconnected or shut down from their sexuality or their partner. This could be as a result of trauma, sexual shame or body image issues, emotional blocks or fear of intimacy. Women struggling with painful sex, lack of desire, inability to experience pleasure or orgasms, and hormonal changes from childbirth, menopause, or hysterectomies will greatly benefit from this information. Men who have erection challenges (early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or delayed ejaculation) will also benefit from the information in this book.

What is a sexual blueprint and how does it impact your relationship with sex?
Similar to an architectural blueprint that shows all the details of the plumbing, electricity, drywall, windows, and doors that make up a building, you have a sexual blueprint comprised of all the early life experiences that make up your sense of yourself as a sexual being. I call it a blueprint to emphasize the impact of those early experiences that govern your relationship with your own sexuality as well as how you relate to members of the opposite or the same sex.  The elements of your sexual blueprint include:

• Messages you received about sex as a child from parents, other adults and society
• Early childhood sexual exploration with yourself and/or others
• Your first sexual experiences
• Relationships with your mother and father or primary caregiver
• Seminal events that impacted your body image
• Religious ideology or indoctrination

How these messages impact you differs for everyone but we all experience shame… that is a part of human existence.  Let me give you an example of how this plays out.  When I was growing up I had a dog whose name was Lucky.  He was a yappy, high strung neurotic Yorkshire terrier; we did not have the best relationship. When I was 9 years old, Lucky started to lick my private parts while I was lying in bed at night. I experienced a lot of pleasure from this. I also knew from earlier experiences that I would be punished if my mother caught me.  So, the pleasure I experienced was colored with fear, anxiety, and shame.  Fast forward 19 years.  Is there any wonder that I was really uncomfortable with oral sex and could never relax enough to experience it as pleasurable?  My body combined the sensation of pleasure with the sensation of anxiety and shame, making it impossible for me to ever have an orgasm.

Is there really help for a sexless long term relationship?
There are some couples that are completely content being in a sexless relationship and if it works for them, then that is great. However, the majority of the time, the decision is forced on one of the partners.  In fact, a common scenario is that one partner loses interest, becomes unresponsive, and starts to avoid anything to do with sex. The still-desirous party keeps trying for a while, then gets tired of rejection and simply gives up. Often this unfolds with no discussion at all, much less a conscious decision.

The consequences of not addressing the issue, and your partner’s unmet needs, can be very injurious to the relationship, resulting in affairs, seeing sex workers, or divorce.

Passion can definitely be revived in a sexless relationship though it does take time and effort. Often there are layers of emotional blocks, such as anger and resentment, that need to first be cleared before the sexual relationship can be revived. A sex and intimacy coach or therapist are best equipped to help couples learn how to re-kindle their intimate connection and passion.

How does physical trauma impact women’s sex lives and how can they heal those wounds?
Physical wounding and trauma can have a major impact on women’s sex lives and it is rarely acknowledged and addressed. Even though the physical wound may heal, the emotional impact and its imprint on the body can remain for decades. Healing the body from physical trauma also means healing the mind.

There are different ways that one can heal from physical trauma but they all involve helping the body and mind release the trapped trauma. Specialists trained in Somatic Experiencing will help clients reset their nervous system so that the trauma loses its hold on them. Holistic Pelvic Care practitioners recognize that a woman’s pelvic bowl “root” contains a vast array of information and that it is an access point to emotions and traumatic events in our life.  Clearing congestion in the pelvic bowl helps unblock trapped energy in the body. These blocks take many forms from unexpressed emotions such as grief and anger, to physical wounds from surgeries and childbirth, to sexual abuse and trauma.

How can a long-term couple keep the romance and the physical intimacy alive over decades? 
To be successful you have to make physical intimacy a priority in your life.  This means putting regular date nights on the calendar specifically for physical intimacy and sex. It also involves having really strong communication around your sex life and being able to express your needs and desires. In my book, I help individuals understand their core erotic theme and the emotions that they desire around sex (e.g. cherished, ravished, seen, dissolved). When these emotions can be satisfied in a long term sexual relationship, a couple will easily be able to keep their intimacy alive.

Keeping your sex life fresh and exciting is also very important because boredom can also kill romance and your sex life. By book contains many different practices to please your partner, including touching for your own pleasure. Exploring role play, fantasy, and kink can also keep your sex life alive and healthy. I also highly recommend taking intimacy, sexuality and Tantra classes and workshops as a couple so that you build more skills and connection. 

How is it possible to live an “orgasmic life” if you are single or with a partner who is disabled and unable to have sex?
We can all chose to have a sexual relationship with ourselves and in fact our sexual power comes from connecting with our own sexuality, in whatever form that takes. Orgasmic life energy flows from within ourselves. Partners and having a regular sex life certainly help to strengthen it, but it emanates from within. I strongly believe that every women should have her own “self-loving practice”, so that she not only understands her own arousal pattern, but can also learn how to generate and move sexual energy within her body.
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There are many ways to enjoy “sex” with a partner and it does not have to involve penetration or intercourse. Sex has been too narrowly defined in our culture and we need to shift that. I define sex as any experience that creates erotic energy. This could include touching each other, kissing, lying naked together, sharing fantasies, and phone sex. Tantra is also a very powerful way for partners to have a sexual experience by using breathing techniques to generate sexual energy which can result in orgasms without genital touch.