How to Feel Sexy

I spend a lot of time helping women learn how to feel sexy.  Many women have never felt sexy in their entire life.  I know…I was one of the them.  And even for those women who know what sexy feels like, changes in our life makes us lose that sexy feeling. This become really apparent to me when I allowed my hair stylist to cut my hair short and it surprisingly really impacted how I felt about my outward sexiness.  Here are some of the common reasons why women don’t feel sexy and some tips on how to feel sexy again. 

• We are not in touch with our feminine nature and energy.  So many women, particularly those in demanding, corporate careers, hold a lot of male, strong, competitive energy.  While this might work in the business world, it does not translate well into the bedroom.  Feminine energy is flowing while male sexual energy is more rigid.  Most women find their sexiness in the flow of feminine energy.
• We are not living in our bodies, we are living in our heads.  While it’s true that we all live in our head to a large degree, that sexy feeling actually happens in our body. We live in a culture of disembodiment so sometimes getting back into your body can be a real challenge.
• Shame and discomfort prevents us from knowing how to feel sexy.   The sex negative messages that we received growing up and the Madonna-Whore complex that still persists. Who amongst us has not questioned whether sleeping with a man on the first date will make him think less of us or that we are not relationship material?
• Changes to our physical appearance.  For me, this damn haircut.  I never realized how sensual it feels to have hair on my shoulders and how much I miss not being able to shake my hair in that sexy way that turns me and my partner on.  For many women, weight gain after pregnancy, the bulging middle age waist line, wrinkles, cellulite, grey hairs, the list  can go and on forever.
• Body shame.  This is related but somewhat different from changes to our physical appearance.  I have worked with many women who have incredible bodies but still experience a lot of body shame often from early childhood wounding.  I always felt bad about the size of my breasts as I have distinct memories of a teen of being “catcalled” on my walk to school from some construction workers.

Tips on How to Feel Sexy Again

• Get back into your body.  I recommend dance as one of the best ways for women to rediscover their feminine nature.  If you have access to it, try a 5 Rhythms Class, a Zumba Class, Salsa class or even ballroom dancing.  Belly dancing is an awesome way to get in touch with your feminine side and work on toning those tummy muscles!
• Surround yourself with sensual things like flowers, beautiful fragrances,  candles, satin and silk.
• Start dressing sexy.  Get rid of the comfy clothes that hide your body.  Select some low necklines and clothes that give you some shape.  If you can handle it, wear those Jimmy Choo’s!
• Plan a girl’s night out with the focus to have a sexy time.  Maybe it’s a clothing swap or make up party.  Go out on the town for a night.  There’s nothing like a little harmless flirting and male attention that will get your juices going again!
• To feel sexy we have to believe we’re sexy and sexy is sometimes a muscle that needs to be exercised.  Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how sexy you are.

Share with us your tips on how to feel sexy!