Have you ever been on a first date where you are physically attracted to each other but nothing seems to be happening? Have you felt the energy shift from a possible romantic connection to the friend zone? Maybe it left you scratching your head wondering “what went wrong?”
A First Date Story
This recently happened to me on the Fourth of July. I had met someone at an event, we had a lovely connection, and decided to go on a first date. The date seemed to be going well with a hike, dinner, great conversation, and cuddling up while viewing the fireworks in the July San Francisco winter weather.
But when we got back to my house the energy shifted. We were sipping wine on my couch, eating dark chocolate and looking at his match.com profile and the women who had contacted him. Not exactly moving towards a romantic moment!
The longer we were hanging out and chilling with each other, the more i was thinking, “Gee, I’d really like to kiss him, but I’m not going to make the first move.” Apparently, he was thinking the same thing. We were at a standstill..
A First Date Cross Road
Sometimes in dating, you come to a cross road. The path you choose can easily dictate the future of the relationship. I’m not afraid to make the first move on a first date. But I wasn’t sure he was interested in me since we talked about other women he might want to meet on Match.com. So I held back. My date, apparently wanting to be the respectful “good boy”, was waiting for me to give him a positive signal. So he held back too.
This date could have easily ended with a friendly hug and the “let’s get together again sometime” line. Knowing we would never see each other again. A lost opportunity for connection.
But something different happened. My date asked the question, “Do you feel any chemistry here?” I said, “I’m really attracted to you and have been waiting for you to kiss me for two hours!” That started a whole new level of conversation where we learned a lot more about each other’s attitudes towards intimacy.
We were both looking for that polarity but because he wasn’t being in his strong masculine, I was just in neutral. My feminine self didn’t feel safe coming out. Once I gave him the green light, things quickly switched. He showed up with the strong masculine energy that’s a huge turn on for me. Let’s just say our fireworks got started!
First Date Lessons:
Here are the takeaways:
- Men, don’t be afraid to initiate. Most often the women will not and is waiting for you to take the lead.
- Read signals. In this case, we were in close physical contact on the couch. If a woman is not interested in you, she’ll put distance between the two of you.
- Trust your instincts. I should have kissed him or told him I wanted to be kissed.
- Communication is key, especially on a first date. Had he not initiated the conversation, we would not be having a second date.
- Sometimes the fireworks is there, but it needs a match to ignite it.